Am I a Hipster: A One Act Play About Moving To New York
Setting: Dinner Table, Spring Night in Cleveland 6:30pm
Two parents, one four year old eating a huge bowl of chocolate pudding for dessert
Empty plates in front of everyone, cleaned from a night of chicken burritos.
Nick: I was pinged by one of my coworkers who asked if we made a decision about the move.
Nick: I told her that we’re deciding between Riverdale and some parts in Brooklyn. ?Do you know what she said?
Lisa: She can’t believe we’re thinking about Brooklyn.
Nick: Yes. And do you know why?
Lisa: Something about hipsters, I’m sure.
Nick: Yes! She said,’I never pictured you a hipster.’
Nick: Wait. ?What’s a hipster?
Lisa: You don’t know what a hipster is?
Nick: I mean, what IS a hipster?
Lisa: Do you want my definition or, like, a real definition.
Nick: Either. Both.
Lisa: Well, it’s like that one guy said the other day. You don’t own something specific, like a lawn mower. ?There’s only one, and it’s all community shared because it’d be considered cool to not own anything so you don’t own anything.
Nick: Oh man. That’s me! Give me another definition.
Lisa: It’s like-
Isaiah: Excuse me!
Nick: Because I really want to know-
Isaiah: Excuse me!
Lisa & Nick: Yes, Isaiah?
Isaiah: I have a definition.
Lisa: You have a definition for “hipster?”
Isaiah: Lazy. It’s someone who is lazy.
Lisa: (laughs) Awesome. (stop laughing) Wait a second. You’re right! Lazy people who can’t think of fashion for themselves, so they go by what’s trending.
Nick: (grabs laptop) I’m looking this up.
Lisa: (puts plates away)
Isaiah giggles, slowly impacted by sugared pudding.
Nick: It says someone who follows trends and is an artis-, artisan- artisnal – look, I can’t even pronounce it. ?That must mean I’m not a hipster.
Nick: Someone who lives in gentrified areas. Ohhhh.
Lisa: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Nick: And…what is this word? E-f-f-e-t-e
Isaiah: You said feet.